See. I already messed up. (New Entry - No. 3)

So, yeah. I was wrong there were actually two posts in that other blog. I lied. Here's one that came before the cookies. Mid-May 2009.

Blogging the heart stuff...

I decided to start another blog. One is for everyday stuff. We'll call that the tame one. It will have the pics and movies and funny little notes that happen on a particular day. It's kinda like the stuff I would share with a friend if they were with me. "Remember the time...?"

This new blog is a whole new ball game. I think I need to have a place where I can process. This is important because of several factors. One is I don't have a boyfriend/spouse/everyday best friend. Like I used to call D. in high school and talk for an hour or two even after we had been at school together all day. I miss that. I have great, loving friends I know I can call on in a real crisis. I am blessed in that area. But I feel like I can't just call up and say, "Hey, I stubbed my toe today and it made me think of my personal philosophy on the health care crisis..." I really don't think people are up for that.

Another factor is that I need a creative outlet. Lately, I have been making casseroles and desserts, which I will probably still do. But there has got to be more. There is definitely more to me than food. I think I write and take photos pretty well. I haven't got organized enough yet since my latest move to really get crafty or anything.

Yet another reason is that I feel like I have woken up after a long period of not listening to God and just kind of flailing around. I have a vision and a goal now. Kinda like getting ready for a race. Part of that is figuring out the whole getting healthy and back into running thing. I am on a health journey. So I will probably write about stuff like being a food addict here too.

I am also on a heart and soul journey. I think one of the other reasons I need an outlet like this is because I go through my day and see the sadness and selfishness in the world. I understand that the world is broken, a less than perfect expression of what God intended. I also know that I need to walk my faith, to look for the ways that God is growing me and changing me to be what he designed me to be. To me this is expressed in digging into the word, seeing what truth lies there, and how that fits into my daily actions actions and opinions and what attitudes I might need to change. I need to figure out how to relax in His grace because I am less than gracious to others a little too often for my comfort.

So it basically will all tie together in thought processes and things I was thinking about during the day. Sometimes I will try to prove myself wrong. Sometimes I won't. I will always be on the lookout for truth, not of the masses but God's truth, which I believe can be known by anyone who truly is seeking it. And it doesn't always match with what we think or what others say is the right thing to do. And it is absolute. Because if it's not, then nothing in the world really matters. I am not willing to give up just quite yet.

I say all that to say this. This is me. My thoughts. It may not be what you thought I was thinking. What I say here has the potential to be disagreeable to you. For anything that may offend, I might not apologize. I will however invite you to call me on my you-know-what. I will also invite you to dig a little deeper on your own. Read. Pray. Don't take things of this world at face value. Because usually that's valueless and there is really more going on than we can even imagine. I'll be doing the same. And doing my best to show love, even if we don't agree.