Someday...

I was from here a long time ago....

Someday I'll go back for good...

Into the starry blue...

My pops passed away on November 30th. It's been unbelievable, torturous, too quick and too soon. 

I am sad. Today we had the final walk through at Dad's apartment. It was weird. I remember how Dad smelled. His apartment smelled like him. I have a couple of his jackets that smell like him, like cigarette smoke and mint and aftershave. I think I will put them in a zipper bag so the smell will stay around longer. 

I still can't believe it happened so fast. I am reminded that I can't be on everyone else's time schedule for processing it. God's got it all worked out and I just take things a day at a time, a moment at a time, on the schedule He has for my heart. When I have a thought of Dad, I always try to hold it for the longest time, to remember what he looked like, what he sounded like, even into that last day. I worry that I will forget him.

Our relationship wasn't always the best, but I think I understand just a bit more what forgiveness is all about. It's not forgetting necessarily, but it's redefining what doesn't matter anymore, enough so it feels forgotten. I wasted a lot of time being mad at him, I think, and not figuring out how to move past that. Maybe I didn't want to. 

I hold tight knowing God knows our hearts, my heart, better than we think. He knows how to move us, how to comfort us in ways we don't even know we need. I am thankful for the Spirit who prays for our beautiful crazy selves when we can't find the words.

I miss my Dad. And that's the truth.

Proof I went to Anthro tonight...

And another piece of evidence...

It's true. We're deciding if Homo Habilis was a scavenger. Apparently, the answer is not quite so obvious...

Actually, I never thought I would be in a college level class where I could be blogging in the middle of said class. Then again, when I took my first classes in the fall of 1993 (sheesh!) I didn't have any idea what blogging was. I don't even think I had my own computer yet. I remember this thing called a computer lab...

The sad thing is this isn't my only class this semester that isn't super high quality. I am getting a B in here without too much work. In my Wednesday class, where one of the students actually slammed his book and walked out in the middle of a lecture a few weeks ago, I am not doing as well. Unfortunately, it's probably close to the worst teacher I have had in all my college days. So even when I try to pay attention, the teacher will test us on stuff that she doesn't cover and is not in the book. When we ask her questions in class, she literally has said she is too tired to think about the answer at that time. What??? 

I hope next semester is better. I think I am going to take most of my classes online.